Come On-A My House

This is not a good week for houses.  My mother's house (now in my custody) needs a new retaining wall or two.  My house needs all the plumbing ripped out and new plumbing installed.  Bet you didn't know that most houses built in the 80's have plastic plumbing and it can POP, BURST, EXPLODE, RUPTURE, SPLIT, or DETONATE at any given time - usually when you're out of town and you come home and everything you own on the first floor is soaked and looks like a banana peel because water never, ever, ever runs uphill.  That's just a principle of physics and you can bet on it.  My mother's retaining wall will not bother me because I'm not there to witness the mess.  I just get to write the checks.  The plumbing issue here will not bother me because the job will take place while we're out of town.  I will come home to new pipes and no more plumbing fears.  That's another lie.  I will come home to a house torn apart, literally, and will have to then deal with a drywall worker who will patch it back together.  And then I'll spend the rest of my days here walking around the house scrutinizing all the patches and wonder if he really did a good job or will they all have to be re-done.  We've lived in this house 30+ years and have had multiple drywall repairs and only one repair man did a good job.  Why not use him, you ask?  I lost his name.  I wish I could learn to do drywall repair.  In order to do this job, I think you have to be able to lift those huge drywall slabs and place them in your truck.  Then you go home and use drills and wall anchors and insulation and wires and window cutters and rope pulleys and carburetors and stuff and you really need to know what you're doing or you will make one big fat mess.  Of course, you will also need to get on the internet and read up on drywalling.  You can learn to do anything on YouTube.  But I don't have a truck.  So I'm back to relying on someone who knows someone's brother's uncle's sister-in-law's father who can do this job.  Please, dear God of the Toilets, don't let him be a drunk.  This house has some other problems that need fixin sometime soon.  On a happier note, the dishwasher died last night and I've taken it apart!!  YAAAAY!  Who needs a truck?