Crap Christmas

"Ding dong merrily on high" - HA!!!  The Ding Dongs in my family were running on high all the time.  I've spent some time telling a few Christmas stories about my mother.  Rabid as she was/is, she has always had a heart for gift giving and always came through with the best presents ever.  When my sister and I woke on Christmas morning around 2 a.m. (don't shake your heads, ya'll know you did the same), we were always treated to a fabulous display of toys under the tree.  Then we became teenagers and we still had Santa presents under the tree - also fabulous.  And then I got married.  My mother continued the Christmas bounty as she had since we were tots, but the MIL apparently never understood the concept of giving a present to another person.  Oh, she gave presents, but they were always gifts from hell, i.e. her basement. (Side note - MIL was a hoarder.) One would think that if it was difficult to choose presents for family, you would ask them what they would like to have for Christmas.  No, you were never asked what you would like for Christmas.   "Oh my, is it December 24 already??  Let me go to the basement and see what I can dig out to hand to so and so....."  This is how a 15 month old ends up with steak knives and a teenager receives a tire jack.  No thought whatsoever put into gift giving.  No pretty Christmas wrapping paper on any present, not even a gift tag. And woe to you if it had industrial wrapping paper.  You know those gifts - they sell them already wrapped.  Gadget type things that serve no purpose and you immediately pitch.  "Here, you take this."  Merry Christmas.  Let me see..... during my years and years of marriage, I have received a wedding dress (about 12 years after we were married) that was 5 sizes too large for me, a pair of used shoes, a bottle of furniture polish, covers for stove burners, a swimsuit 5 sizes too large, and my personal favorite - a lion's head door knocker the size of Texas, broken.  The huzbin got so mad that year, he decided we were keeping the knocker and giving it back next year.  And he did.  And she didn't even remember giving it, but of course you don't remember such crap when you don't really Christmas shop.  The year I received the XXXXXlarge swimsuit, my daughter and I put it on.  Together.  Two of us in one bathing suit.  I have the photo to prove it.  When we were young and poor and needed things, we used to be angry over crap presents, but as time went on we began looking forward to them and one year we had a party and auctioned off the unopened Ding Dong present.  All our friends had begun looking forward to the crappy Christmas presents. And every now and then when the occasion called for it, we would re-gift a MIL crap Christmas present. Seriously, how many of you receive swimsuits or furniture polish for Christmas?  Have fun shopping for everyone on your list and stay out of your basements!!